Learning To Swim
by Please.Insert.Name
Summary: Spencer Reid was struggling, they glanced at it sometimes, distancing themselves, and waiting for it to pass. But that never meant that no one was watching.
1. Chapter 1

_'If we see a drowning man we do not drag him to the shore. Instead, we provide help to allow him to swim ashore.' _  
><em>~ Winston Churchill<em>

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><p>Spencer was predictable. They all were to some extent, it wasn't hard to figure out someone's routine when you were a profiler. When he never showed up in New Orleans, no one said anything, but the saying 'silence says more than a thousand words' had never rung more true. They all knew his problem, they all knew he was - as Gideon reported - struggling, but they never intervened. The team was made up of the oddballs, the kids who were abused, the ones who were bullied for being too smart. Privacy was something they coveted whenever they could, and even when a member was drowning they were never thrown a raft.<p>

Instead, they were taught how to swim, and through a series of pushes, that's what Spencer Reid did.

Aaron watched him. They all watched him, but none more carefully than the Unit Chief. Since Gideon's departure, he had felt more protective of the young agent, not in the paternal sense, but in a more troubling one... one that only became more prominent when he signed his divorce papers, and only grew more persistent as the days passed by. His eagle eyes noted Spencer looking healthier. His complexion brightened, his features becoming less gaunt, and slowly, bit by bit, he became stronger. In facing his demons he had won, in his mind, he was king of the world.

But that wasn't true. He felt weakened, the ever constant battle wearing him, and only when he saw that boy die in the bathroom did it really hit him. This problem would never go away. It would haunt him, an ever present spectre waiting for him in the shadows, whispering words of comfort to his abused mind, coercing him to take that sweet step into oblivion... and he would refuse, the cycle ready to start again, as bit by bit, his will was chipped away.

Aaron saw this. He knew that Spencer would never go to the movies. It was out of routine, why watch a film when he could watch it play out in his mind as he read a book? As a lie it was pathetic, but under the thin surface it made him proud, and that feeling only grew, spurned on by Spencer's strength. How he wanted to hold the thin man, give Atlas a moments reprieve from the ever present burden on his shoulders, but he couldn't. Those in the BAU were watchers, they never got where they were by not being good at it, and now it was all they seemed to be capable of.

Two months after Texas, he saw Spencer absentmindedly palming a coin. It was unusual for such a mundane object to ignite this much joy in the taciturn Unit Chief, but seeing it, he had to act even harder on his shields. Instead, he got on with the briefing, his eyes flicking to Spencer just as much as normal, but he still hoped the young Agent could see how proud he was. As their eyes met, he let it show slightly, and the genius smiled, oh how he smiled, and one more memory was added to Aaron's vault, one more reason why he loved the man sitting only a few seats away.

Whenever they brushed hands reaching for the coffee pot, Aaron's heart would beat that slightest bit faster. Whenever he saw Spencer tucking his hair behind his ears, he wanted to be the one to put the chestnut lock back in place. Whenever he saw those snow white hands waving around in gestures as something undoubtedly brilliant was uttered from the genius's mouth, he wanted to touch them, to see if they really were as smooth as he thought. Whenever he made a breakthrough, his eyes lighting up as his mind joined dots that no one else could see, Aaron wanted to be able to ignite that fire, to set his face aglow, and know that he was capable of eliciting that reaction. He wanted it so badly, oh how he craved it, but he couldn't. He was the leader, and Spencer was a friend, a friend who had gone through so much, witnessed so much trauma, that he couldn't put him through another upheaval. He couldn't let him know how the boss loved the subordinate... oh how clichéd.

And then something came that showed Aaron that Spencer was stronger, much, much stronger than him. It came in the form of a letter hidden in one of his case files. That alone should have caught his attention. There, in Spencer's near illegible handwriting:

_'I've completed my first year of my movie membership, would love it if we had dinner to celebrate.'_

And being a Southern gentleman, Aaron just couldn't say no.

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><p><em>'Do you really think it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you that there are terrible temptations which it requires strength, strength and courage to yield to.' <em>  
><em>~ Oscar Wilde<em>

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><p><em>AN: This is waaay out of my comfort zone, in fact, I'm not really sure why I'm posting this. I've never written slash before, and I'm sorry if this is awful. It was a challenge set by my sister - pen-name: Alice Wednesday - involving Reid and Hurt/Comfort, and somewhere along the line, it turned into this. I hope you've liked it, and a review would ease my anxious mind :)_

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds, but I really wish I owned Hotch *dreamy expression*_

_I apologise for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes contained within this story._


	2. Chapter 2

_'A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.' _  
><em>~ Charles Dickens<em>

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><p>Taking a sip of the icy cold water, Aaron wondered absentmindedly what had brought him here. Certainly, SSA Aaron Hotchner would never have responded to a subordinate's advances with anything less than a sexual harassment seminar. He would never have accepted said subordinate's invitation to dinner, and he most certainly wouldn't be nervous.<p>

It appeared SSA Aaron Hotchner had left the building a long, long time ago.

They were sitting in The Little Dragon. A plate of prawn crackers between them, and a pitcher of water to the left. A knife and fork were rolled up in a napkin to his right, and a pair of chopsticks, if the eater was feeling somewhat adventurous, next to them. It was whilst he was examining the depiction of a dragon on the wall behind Spencer's head, that he heard his companion start to speak, his words emanating a private confidence which took him aback slightly.

"You're nervous," he stated simply, his head tipped to the left as if analysing him, and Aaron squirmed slightly under the microscope. Many just looked at him, saw the sign 'Big Bad FBI Agent' and moved on. Now, however, he was being profiled by a man who saw past that exterior, and whilst it made him nervous, he was also slightly touched that someone would care enough to even look.

"I'm just not used to this," he replied evenly, reaching once more for the water. In court, he would take sips to keep him focused, the coolness of the water helping him keep his unwavering attention. Here, it was just a distraction, something to focus on other than Spencer's eyes.

"Well if this is a boss and subordinate having dinner, then you should be. You come out with us occasionally. However, if this is something more, then I guess we are in the same boat," Spencer offered him a way out. The genius had read him as hesitant as well, and whilst he was, it wasn't for the reasons he thought of. Still, he thought he saw a flicker of hurt in those fathomless eyes, and his protective instinct yelled at him to man up, to show the Agent before him that he saw him as much, much more.

"If you are suggesting a date, Spencer, then I believe I have space in my calendar," said Aaron carefully. Use of his first name seemed to jolt Spencer slightly, and he smiled, a simple twitch of the lips, but Aaron saw how pleased the young man was.

"Then, Aaron, I believe this is a date," Aaron loved the way Spencer's voice caressed his name. It was almost a purr, and he knew he would never tire hearing it. However, their meal arrived at that moment, and as the steaming dishes were set in front of them, Aaron's eyes never left Spencer's face, even as he thanked the waiter.

There were things he noted. For example, every time Spencer took a bite, he would lick his lips afterwards, savouring the flavour left on them, and Aaron just wanted to reach over and taste for himself. The chopsticks were pushed far away from him, and whilst Aaron used them fine, Spencer stuck with his knife and fork, taking small bites nonetheless, and chewing thoughtfully. It wasn't often that they had time for this. Time to just sit down and taste things, but Aaron was afraid that he had missed it, he had been too wrapped up in analysing his companion, that he hardly registered what he placed in his mouth. Judging by Spencer's reactions, the food had been good though.

"Are you finished analysing me?" The question took him by surprise, and then he quickly chided himself. Of course Spencer would realise he was being watched, he wasn't handpicked for the unit for nothing.

"Was I that obvious?" he asked, his face remaining stoic. The perfect poker face.

"Well I felt as if I had a laser aimed at my forehead," Aaron was beginning to like this fun side of Spencer, and his lips twitched slightly.

"Sorry, it's habit," murmured Aaron, taking another sip of water. He wished he had a scotch, but he had volunteered to drive, and Spencer, being a considerate date, had refused to tempt him by having a glass of his own.

"If you want to know me, don't analyse my behaviour, just ask me," said Spencer, wiping his mouth, before placing his napkin back on his lap.

He had been a prosecutor, and even then Aaron's mind couldn't come up with a single question. It was like it was stuck, the cogs blocked, and he desperately tried to think of something, but still nothing.

He felt like a teenager again, and it was unsettling.

"How about, what's your favourite type of music?" suggested Spencer, taking pity on him.

"Depends on my mood," replied Aaron, leaning back as their plates were claimed by the waiter.

"You'll have to do better than that, Aaron. For example, I enjoy classical. After a case I find it helps me wind down, focusing on the story the composer is trying to weave. Music is very therapeutic, Gideon taught me that," Spencer's eyes took on a dreamy quality, and Aaron knew he was casting his mind back to his mentor. The man who taught him, but who then abandoned him when he needed him most.

"I never really thought about it that way," confessed Aaron, scanning the dessert menu, taking more time in his selection as his mind tried to recall what he did.

"What do you do?" Spencer probed, making his own choice. Aaron inwardly cursed the attentiveness of his date.

"I used to go and see Jack, but since Haley and I separated..." Aaron answered eventually, trailing off when his stubborn mind ran out of words.

"You haven't been able to see him as much as you need," Spencer supplied.

"Yes," Spencer looked thoughtful for a moment, and Aaron squirmed slightly. An hour in and he had already given away a lot more than he thought he would have.

"Do you think we can take our desserts to go? There's something I want to show you," asked Spencer, not elaborating any further.

Aaron decided to take a leap of faith. It appeared they were becoming more and more common as of late.

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><p>Now they stood in a park. It was near Christmas, and the trees glowed brightly with the jewel-like bulbs that adorned their scant branches. It was a cold night, and their breath frosted in the air, hovering before them before dissipating. Aaron leaned into Spencer slightly, allowing the other man to take the lead, but also to ease the bite of the Winter against his chilled flesh. It was just after half eight and no one was out. All they heard was the whistle of the wind blowing through the trees, and the scampering of little animals, trying to scrounge up food.<p>

Despite the odd location, the fact that he was freezing his ass off, and that his analytical mind told him this would be a good place to kill someone, Aaron felt peaceful.

Making their way up the gravelly path, he eyed the benches sitting patiently under the tree line. Spencer headed for none of those, and as they headed in deeper, part of him wanted to know where they were going, whilst another, more selfish part, wanted to let Spencer lead, and give himself a break for a little while.

It wasn't hard to see what side was winning.

The stars peaked out from behind grey clouds, bringing with them the ghostly shine of the moon. This was all the light they had, and when Spencer stopped suddenly, Aaron almost walked into him, only managing to side-step at the last minute.

"Why are we here?" he couldn't help but ask.

"Listen," commanded Spencer, and Aaron complied straining his ears, and picking up a quiet melody. It lingered in the air, sweet, but haunting as it weaved its way through the branches. Feeling a hand on his arm, he turned to face Spencer, his eyes soft as they look in his peaceful expression.

"It's the Christmas market, it's in the main square, and that's why no one's about. This time of year I sometimes come here and listen, but it's nice to share it with someone," he confided.

Wrapping his arms around the slender body, the swayed slightly to the music, and Aaron wondered to himself if he had found his new way to relax. It seemed that the young genius picked up on this, for he smiled, his eyes shining with a happiness Aaron hadn't seen in a long time.

"Thank you for this, Spencer," he murmured, running his fingers through Spencer's hair. The tresses were softer than he had imagined, and he found himself wondering if there had been more he was wrong about.

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><p><em>Freedom is never dear at any price. It is the breath of life. What would a man not pay for living? <em>  
><em>~ Mohandas Gandhi<em>

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><p><em>AN: Thank you for the amazing feedback! I seriously wasn't expecting it, and it made my muse run wild - as you can see! I was pushed by my sister to post this, and I knew some of you wanted to see the meal. I really hope this wasn't a huge let down, and I would appreciate it if you review :)_

_Beta note: Please review this and force her to continue, it's the one story of hers I love to beta, so please do it :D._

_A/N 2: *rolls eyes*  
><em>

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds, but I do own Hotch... he's chained to my bed *grin*_

_I apologise for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes contained within this chapter._


	3. Chapter 3

_'The true delight is in the finding out rather than in the knowing.'_  
><em>~ Isaac Asimov<em>

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><p>He never knew what he had expected, but being invited to Spencer's house hadn't even been on the list. Now he sat on a brown leather couch, in a room that looked as if the bookcases held up the ceiling more than the walls did. Contained within their well dusted and polished frames were more books than he could read in a lifetime. He felt a bubble of mirth form in his chest when he guessed these would take Spencer only a week.<p>

As much as he wished he could read that fast, he knew it was something he would find uniquely Spencer. He also knew that if he told him that, then the genius would tell him there were far more people out there who could read at his speed, and that one could even train themselves to do it.

That had _not _been something he had researched when he was a Law student.

Hearing the kettle boil, Aaron waited for a few moments, scanning the room as he went. He knew this was personal. Being accepted into his home, where he doubted many had seen before. It was a flat, but to any profiler it told more than its exterior hinted at. However, for once Aaron never analysed, he would find out from Spencer in time, not through a series of guesswork, and concepts he had already deduced. The shelves high with books was like their owner, wise but mysterious, and Aaron wanted to keep it that way... at least for now.

"Black, two sugars," said Spencer, laying the blue coloured mug on the coffee table. It took Aaron a moment to realise it was meant to be the TARDIS, and he took this as another of Spencer's quirks. The coffee table was stained with rings, similar to the circumference of his own cup, and Aaron could just picture Spencer here, curled up, and plundering knowledge from compliant tomes. It was a nice image, and a change from the gore and horror his mind usually brought him.

When Spencer returned from the kitchen with his own drink, Aaron thought foolishly that he might take the armchair, resting next to the large window, the city lights twinkling in the otherwise black expanse.

When he sat next to him, all thoughts ceased.

They had been this close to each other before, but that was at work. Outside their daily lives, they never broached each others personal. Privacy was a precious commodity, and like any good guard they had their nets set, waiting for would-be intruders.

Somehow he had managed to bypass the traps, and this was his reward, his treasure if you like.

The warmth from Spencer's body had never bothered him before, but now it was alluring, and like a moth to a flame, he was hard pushed to resist. Still, the rumours at the BAU about his will were not all untrue, and he managed to hold it off, at least until Spencer started talking.

"Aaron, relax," the order was softly uttered, yet firm, and Aaron felt his muscles comply. It was strange how one voice and a few words could have this power over him, and yet he complied anyway, for once not lingering on the puzzle.

"Sorry, it's been a while..." He was going to say 'Since I've had company,' but that sounded pathetic, he felt Spencer's arm curl around his shoulder, and Aaron found it a little strange that he was the one who was receiving comfort. It really should be the other way around… but it wasn't, and he was damned if he would keep the scales this unbalanced.

"I understand," whispered Spencer, his voice not pitying, but fully aware, and Aaron mused he was one of the few people who really did know him.

Still, this was Spencer's celebration.

"I'm sorry. I've been an awful date. I should be comforting you, this is your night after all," Aaron remembered the coin Spencer had proudly shown him, fully seeing the effects for the first time. It was nice to see that glimmer back, "I... I want to say how proud I am of you. You did all of this on your own... you shouldn't have had to, and I wish you didn't, but you've grown, Spencer. Where I saw this young boy enter the BAU, surrounded by people over ten years your senior, you've gotten stronger, and you're a more than competent Agent... What Hankle did to you, Christ, I don't think I could have withstood that..."

"Shhh," interrupted Spencer, placing a finger over Aaron's trembling lips, and his mug on the coffee table, "You've been an amazing date, Aaron. I'll admit I was surprised when you agreed to it, but for now you've said enough. It's my turn," Aaron nodded, his tongue seemingly having shrivelled up the moment Spencer touched his face. A thoughtful looked passed across Spencer's face, and then he was kissing him.

"Don't think," murmured Spencer, moving to Aaron's jaw line for a brief moment, before returning to his lips. Electricity coursed through the air, and Aaron's tongue took this moment to make a reappearance. Flicking it out, he touched Spencer's lower lip, asking for entrance, and Spencer obliged, moaning slightly in consent. Tangling his fingers into the silken tresses, Aaron felt similar hands brush over his own, short hair, both clinging onto each other as if the world was going to end any second, and in a way it was. If there was a line, then they had crossed it long ago. This would be harder to come back from, and Aaron never knew if he even wanted to return. Feeling Spencer grow steadily bolder, he handed control over to the younger man, and was swiftly reduced to a moaning wreck with his talented, and teasing tongue. His hands roaming down Spencer's back, he felt the delicate muscle underneath the woollen cardigan, and began to fight back with a vengeance, swallowing every moan the genius produced with a sense of smug satisfaction. Soon, however, oxygen ran out, and they separated, lips swollen and breathing heavily.

"I wasn't expecting that," breathed Aaron, wishing his heart rate would return to normal sometime soon.

"Always the tone of surprise," sighed Spencer, "I'm not as innocent as everyone thinks."

"I never thought you were," confessed Aaron, feeling Spencer mould against him in a loose embrace.

"No one does now," murmured Spencer, nuzzling Aaron's neck slightly. He reminded him of a rather large cat, and Aaron wrapped his arm around Spencer's slender frame, pulling him closer to him.

"Spencer, you've been through a lot, and everyone recognises that. You may not be innocent in the eyes of others, but you are stronger," whispered Aaron.

"Am I really?" Spencer's voice was shaky, and Aaron tightened his hold.

"Yes, don't doubt that about yourself. It will always be there, but with time it will fade," reassured Aaron, glad to see Spencer calm down slightly, boosted by Aaron's confidence in him.

"Thank you," said Spencer quietly, his eyes were growing heavy, and Aaron watched him slip into sleep, his breathing easing out, and he focused on it, tuning out the rest of the world for the night. Turning his attention from Spencer, he looked out of the window, seeing his ghostly reflection surveying the scene. Spencer was curled at his side, and both of them looked peaceful, a look that hadn't graced his features since he had seen Spencer on that live-feed, cuffed to that chair in a dilapidated cabin in Georgia.

Yes, he may have a sore back in the morning. Yes, there were definitely issues that needed to be discussed about their relationship. But for now he was content, and slowly, encouraged by the warm body lying next to him, he too fell asleep.

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><p><em>'It is difficult to know at what moment love begins; it is less difficult to know that it has begun.' <em>  
><em>~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow<em>

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><p><em>AN: Thank you for the amazing feedback! Ordinarily this was just a one-shot, but thanks to your encouragement, and a slightly scary beta (her pen name is Alice Wednesday, check out her stories if you have time) you managed to get more chapters out of me! And that's an amazing feat, since I'm not really that comfortable/used to writing this pairing, and slash for this fandom :D I hope you've enjoyed this, I know I really enjoyed writing it, and thank you for reading :)_

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds... and Hotch escaped... sad times :(_

_I apologise for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes contained within this chapter._


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